You're so nebulous sometimes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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