did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
