So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
