You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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