you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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