I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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