I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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