i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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