3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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