That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
