I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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