that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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