6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
