I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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