they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
