Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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