I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
