I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Damn victory sex feels great
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
