mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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