Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
