i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
