Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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