Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it because I queefed?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
