If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
