I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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