lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
