My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
