Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
