But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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