im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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