We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
