I wish I only lived at night.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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