I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
