Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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