Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
