I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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