i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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