and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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