Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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