Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
