Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
