Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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