just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
