I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
