Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
