I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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