Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
