We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
