one two three fourrrrnication!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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