i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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