The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize