and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
