You made me cry and you don't even care
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
