you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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