I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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