some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
