yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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