tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
