Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
