was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
