just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
