win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
