Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
