JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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