Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
