tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
