I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
