He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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