You just made me feel so damn special
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
