yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
