Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
