u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
