i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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