guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
