Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
