Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
