I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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