She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
