I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can I color on your dick again?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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