paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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