So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
