yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
