i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
