all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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