He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
