honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
