I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
