what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
